Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
