Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need to align my fucking chakras
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize