if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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