Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
