Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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