is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
