I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
