It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
