Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
