Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Small penises have feelings too.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
