The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
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I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i believe in u and ur pee
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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