I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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