the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
