Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
