I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
