Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
