PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
