I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
