i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
