so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
