I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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