why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she looked like the before picture.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
