She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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