My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am midnight drunk by noon
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
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So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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