Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
