u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
