when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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