I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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