Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
