he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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