my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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