I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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