Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
