somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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