I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
