my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
