Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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