why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
