There was a lot of him and a little penis
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
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I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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