Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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