Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
