Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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