But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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