Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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