just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Boobs speak an international language.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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