i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
