READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
