And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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