the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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