Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
