the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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