I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
