he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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