I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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