If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
