i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
