party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
