I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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