This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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