The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
