They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
