Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
