swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
